The last six months have just absolutely flown and it's no wonder that rendragnet sent me an live journal nudge the other day telling me that it has been 21 weeks since I have have updated here. Let me see if I can remember back that far and bring you up to date.

As you know Rendrag and I got together in October when he came up to visit me. Since then our relationship has grown from strength to strength. He came up to visit me again in November, I went to visit him and his family in Melbourne for Christmas, he came back to my place in the hew year, and then he moved up here at the end of January. It was really hard with him being so far away and we missed each other so much that we decided in January he would move up here and we would move in together. It was perfect timing as he moved up three days before my 31st birthday! It was the best birthday present I could have ever asked for! Since then we had Valentine's Day where I received the most beautiful vase of roses sent to my work, we became engaged and we celebrated Rendrag's 30th birthday.

Ok that is the really quick version of the last six months and I hear you saying 'He's moved up? Your engaged? So it's time to slow down and tell you the story.

After Rendrag's visit in November I became really sick and ended up taking two weeks off work and spending a week at my Mum's place. It was really hard with Rendrag being so far away and I know he felt bad that he couldn't take time out of his work to come up and be with me. Thankfully between Doctor's visits, medication and some time off work I started to feel better and was able to return to work.

When work finished for Christmas I flew to Melbourne to spend Christmas with Rendrag and his family. It was the first time I'd flown on a plane or had met his parents, so I was very nervous! In the end I had no need to be. The flight was good, although late, and Rendrag's parents were fantastic! We got on well and they have really taken me in as a part of their family. After we spent Christmas in Melbourne we drove back up here. We spent roughly three weeks together which was the most time we had spent together since we got together. It was amazing. I am so lucky to be getting married to my best friend!

After Rendrag returned to Melbourne we both became depressed about the other one being so far away and missing the companionship that our relationship brings. So one night on the phone it was decided that Rendrag would move up here into my house. And since it was only two weeks till he would be visiting for my birthday we decided that he would move up then. So both of us spent the next two weeks panicking about how we would get so much done in such a short amount of time. He was stressing because he had so much stuff to pack and move, including his business, and I was stressing because I had to clean out my house so I had enough room for him to move in. In the end the stress was worth while as we are now living together and are happier than ever. We are aiming to move into a bigger house before we get married, well before both sets of parents visit at Christmas, but if we don't we will make do with my little house. The important thing is that we are together.

Since then we had talked about getting married. We both knew that when we got together it would be forever. We had looked at engagement rings and talked about when we would get married. In fact Rendrag had told me that he had bought the ring but that it had to be made and would be ready in six to eight weeks. So I knew we were getting engaged but I didn't know when. What I didn't know is that he had already bought the ring and was going to surprise me when we went on a picnic that weekend. All I knew was that we were going on a picnic to a beautiful spot we have been to a couple of times. After lunch we were laying there together, enjoying each others company when he pulled out the ring and asked me to marry him. I was so shocked that I kept looking at the ring and saying wow. Even after I put the ring on my finger I kept looking at it and saying wow. After about ten minutes of this he asked me if I was planning to say yes. Still in shock I looked at him and said...um...maybe. He looked at me and said maybe? That's when I looked at him and said of course I would marry him. Two days later we went into the jewellers and I bought an engagement ring for him as well.

Our wedding is planned for October 3rd next year, which will be our second anniversary, well the 5th will be, but that is a Monday. We have booked our reception and ceremony venue, and are looking at booking our photographer and celebrant. I have asked my Matron of Honour and Rendrag will ask his bestman when we see him in the holidays. We know what colours we want, what we want the cake to look like and have an idea of where we want to honeymoon. So as you can see we have been very busy!

On top of that we went to Melbourne a fortnight ago to visit Rendrag's family and to pick up the last of his stuff. His Mum had also organised a family engagement party to have while we were there. The party was fun and it was great to meet some of his family. We were totally exhausted after returning from Melbourne and I am definitely looking forward to the holidays which start at the end of the week.

But for now I have more work I have to do. I again promise to try to update sooner.

I think I just ended a friendship with someone I have been friends with for a long time. Looking back we have probably been going in different directions with different priorities for the last couple of years, but the issues have intensified this year.

Earlier this year she sent me an email telling me that I had been insensitive about a certain issue and that it was unbecoming of me being jealous of her relationship and her subsequent marriage. I'll admit to you that I found her marriage hard because she met her husband roughly a week before I met my ex-boyfriend and we all know how that ended. I did not attend her wedding because the pain of my break up was too fresh, but in saying that I've been nothing but supportive and wished her every happiness in the world. And in retrospect none of that matters now because I am so over my ex and are very happy in my new relationship and can't wait for Rendrag to move up here.

The thing that hurt the most was when I went to her farewell on Friday night and she forgot my name. I didn't know anyone at her farewell except for her and was feeling pretty anxious about being there. I was also anxious about the big weekend I was about to have. Her farewell was in Maitland, which is an hour from where I live and meant that I would be home really late, then the next morning I had to leave my place at 6:30am to drive to Sydney for a Union thing. Let me say I have driven 450km this weekend and are completely stuffed!

Back to the farewell. She only introduced me to two people and when she did, she introduced me by the wrong name. She didn't even realise that she had introduced me wrong until I put my hand forward to shake hands and said 'actually it's .......'. Maybe I'm being silly but the whole thing made me feel worthless as a person and worthless as a friend. I mean how can you forget the name of someone who is meant to mean something to you. She's known me a little longer than Rendrag has and I'd die if he forgot my name. Maybe that's a little different...but you get the idea.

I was very offended and said that I would leave if she did it a third time. She joked it off, said she was sorry and that it was because of her blonde hair. I didn't understand that answer. I just don't understand how you can forget the name of someone who is meant to mean something to you. If you are reading this and think I am being silly please leave a comment and let me know.

When she logged on to MSN tonight I really felt I needed to tell her how I felt. I wasn't prepared for the answer she gave me. She said I was always the one to throw the first knife and that I could have easily told her that I enjoyed the night regardless, asked how her trip back home was, asked how her family farewell went, or asked why she forgot my name, but as usual I was the first to accuse and told her how offended I was.

That was like a slap in the face for me because I don't understand that there would be a reason why someone forgot your name. She also went on to say that I had taken my being offended out on one her friends by turning my back on her and excluding her from the conversation and that I apparently upset someone else with something I said. I don't remember doing that. I know I turned my back to join a conversation, but don't remember turning my back on someone, and the person who I was meant to upset was really the only person who spoke to me all night and we spent time talking and laughing. So I don't understand that...

Now I'm sitting here doubting my worth as a friend. I asked Rendrag if I was as horrible as she made out and he definitively said no, but now I'm confused. I've always prided myself as being a good friend and the people who really know me know that I would do anything I could for them, but if I'm the sort of person that this person made me out to be, how can I be a good friend?

Some really good things have happened in my life since my last post. I have three new things, a new bedroom suite, a new car and a new relationship. I'll talk about them in the order that they occurred.

Once a year I allow myself to buy something new for my house and pay it off interest free. I'm not allowed to buy the new thing until I have paid off the thing I bought the year before. This year I bought myself a new timber bedroom suite with bedside tables and a dressing table with mirror. Unfortunately I have had nothing but trouble since buying my bed. Firstly the bed was delivered at 6:45am on a Saturday morning, without the bedside tables as they were not in stock. When I, well my friend's son, tried to put it together we realised that it had arrived with split slats and no holes for the mirror to be screwed to the dressing table. So I rang them and had the slats replaced the following day. Four weeks later the bedside tables were delivered and they were faulty. One table had a problem drawer and the other had splits in three of the four drawers where the holes were drilled for the handles to be screwed in. So again I rang them and again I had them replaced. I am still not happy with the back of one of the tables, but I don't think I have the energy to deal with that company again. I will never deal with them again. In fact I bought a new bookcase last weekend and made sure I went to a different store. Although it looks like I might have one final problem with my bed. Don't get me wrong my bed is extremely comfortable and I love it, but it looks like my boyfriend might be allergic to it.

The second new thing I have is my car. I bought a 2005 Holden Astra TS MY05 Classic. It is black and very beautiful and I got a really great deal for it. The person who had it before me traded it in because she wanted to buy a convertible, so she really looked after it. She had also paid to have paint protection, rust protection and scotch guard on it. On top of that the car came with the rego and plate change, 6 months rego and the 30, 000km service. The only thing that has taken time to get used to is the fact that the blinkers and wipers are on the opposite sides. It is great though, as I have already mentioned, and has amazing fuel consumption.

The last, and by no means the least, new thing I have is my new relationship. Many of you already know about my best friend Rendrag and the history we have. We met on a UNEmush while I was at uni and have been best friends ever since. We have been friends for nearly ten years and get along fantastically. He came to visit me during my holidays and we spent ten fun filled days together. We talked a lot about how comfortable we are with each other, how easily we can talk to each other and what we see happening in the future. Those conversations lead to us getting back together, with him planning to move up here and us moving in together. I know it might sound quick that we only just got back together and we are talking about moving in together, but we both seem to be on the same page and are both ready to take this step together. It is hard with him being in Melbourne and I miss him heaps, but I feel confident in our relationship, in how we feel about each and I know that we will work this time. Many of you also know I have been waiting a long time for this and don't need to be told how happy I am.

Well now you are up to date and it's time for me to relax. It's also time for me to go back into LJ hiding for the next six months :P No seriously I promise I will try to update more regularly.

Today was a crappy day at work. My clients were flighty and totally off task. Then there's my boss, who makes me feel inadequate on a daily basis. I often wonder if there is anything that I could do, that would make him respect me. Today we were meant to have a meeting so I could show him some work that I did at a course I went to in my holidays, yes in my own time. We had to reschedule the meeting, but when I tried he blew me off and said that seeing my work wasn't a priority. I felt really deflated...

I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post. The fact that it's been so long since I've updated, meaning that I have so much to update, which is the reason that I have be procrastinating about updating.

Last time I posted about myself I wrote about my devastation about being told by my boss that I was not allowed to participate in the Anna Stewart program with my Union. Well after roughly seven or eight phone calls from three different union officers my boss relented and said I could go. I don't really think he had an option though because the Union said "Here are three other dates that she can come participate in the program, you need to choose one because it's not if she's coming, it's when she's coming."

I applied to do the Anna Stewart Program to learn how to become more active within my Union, in the hope of becoming more involved in major campaigns. I was also very interested in learning how to negotiate issues that affect women and networking with other women in my Union. Most importantly I wanted to learn to be more assertive and confident when speaking to new and existing Union members.

During my two weeks as Anna Stewart Officer I participated in a variety of meetings and activities including attending Union Executive, Public Sector Workforce Office, Organisers, Officers and Management and Consultative meetings. I also met with the HR person from my Employer and sat in on the Potential Officers and Juvenile Justice Campaign courses.

I had an amazing two weeks and it re-affirmed my desire to work for my Union full time. Working for my Union is a long term plan and goal. For the rest of this year and next I will continue being involved in my local association meetings and conferences. Then in 2009 I plan to stand for a Councillor's position and hopefully apply to be a Relief Officer. Then we'll see what happens next. I have decided that if I was to work for my Union full time I would move further down the coast and commute to Sydney everyday instead of actually moving to Sydney.

While I was in Sydney I spent some time with some friends and went to see The Whitlams and the Sydney Symphony Orchestra at the Opera House. The concert was amazing! I had never seen an orchestra live before, let alone with a rock band, and even further with a rap singer for one song. After the concert I wait in line to have my ticket signed by Tim Freedman, which totally completed my night.

I'm off to finish making dinner. I'll update more later.

I promise to update on the weekend when I have time. But for now answer these...

1. Do you have a tattoo?
2. How old are you?
3. Are you single or taken?
4. Eat with your hands or utensils?
5. Do you dream at night?
6. Ever seen a corpse?
7. George Strait or Jay Z?
8. How did we meet?
9. What's your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police?
12. Do you like Country music?
13. What is your fondest memory of me?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. Would you cheat?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. Do you sing in the shower?
22. What's your favorite color?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
25. What was your first impression of me?
26. Have you ever done drugs?
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

My dear friend Sonnet lost one of her closest friends last week. Sonnet lives in America and her friend lives here in Australia. Sonnet can't come to Australia for the funeral and it is really tearing her apart.

Sonnet I just want to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends family. I know what it is like to lose someone close to you. My friend Coyote died when we were at uni and my Father passed away two and a half years ago.

I just wanted you to know that there is always a place for you to stay here if you need it and be assured that I am only ever an email or a phone call away if you want to talk.

*big hugs*

Today I'm home from work because I lost my voice yesterday. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I struggle with having no voice.

The last couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster. Within two hours on Friday I had gone from being on the BIGGEST high and then sunk down to the LOWEST low. It felt like a major bipolar moment and made me understand what one of my friend's sons goes through on a daily basis.

I hear you asking what happened?

Well as you all know I applied to do the Anna Stewart program with my union. You know that I asked my boss if I could apply and he said yes. Well on Friday morning I received a phone call from the women's co-ordinator at my union to say that I had been accepted! That they wanted me to be apart of their program! I can't tell you how honoured, excited and high I felt. To put this into perspective seventy percent of my profession are women and they all could have applied, they didn't, but that's not the point. Out of that seventy percent four women were chosen to participate in the program. I was one of those women! I was over the moon! I felt like they saw the potential in me and that this was my foot in the door to move into the union full time.

During my lunch break I went to discuss this with my boss and to organise someone to take my place for the two weeks that I would be away. To my utter disbelief he turned around and said no that we would not let me go and participate in the program. He said that my clients had been missing out this year and that I had not being doing my job properly. I was gutted! I told him that it was unfair and that I had done anything he asked me to do. He was adamant and unwavering in his decision. My supervisor went in and spoke to him. He told my boss what an honour this was and how he thought that this was the perfect experience for me and my boss still said no.

You have to wonder why he said I could apply if he had no intention of letting me go. My personal opinion is that he thought I had no chance of getting in. I don't think he realises how involved I have become in my union and how much they support me.

On Monday my union organiser became involved and rang my boss. She suggested that we organise another time for me to go, instead of cancelling my position in the program. He apparently seem favourable to that and rang the women's co-ordinator. One of my friends said that this is a good thing, and while I agree with that, it still doesn't seem good enough! But in saying that I am still very positive about this, that I will get to go and participate in the program, and that my future is to work with the union full time.

I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night. The last time I remember looking at the clock was around 3am. I had all these thoughts running through my head. Thoughts about different people and different situations. Stupid thoughts about things I think I want but know I can't have. Thoughts that I don't even know if I could talk to people, more importantly the people involved, about. It's nights like these that I wish my brain had an off switch so I could think about the thoughts at another time and enjoy a good nights sleep.

So tonight I'm tired but very restless. I want to go out and do something but it's too cold. So instead I sit here watching Pretty Woman (hence the subject of this entry) on tv for the billionth time and come here trying to write something profound but the thoughts from last night are still playing havoc with my brain.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else or am I going insane?

Oh I forgot to tell you all my exciting news! I bought tickets to see Powderfinger and Silverchair in Newcastle on August 29th! I'm so excited! I love Powderfinger and think that Bernard Fanning is a very talent and sexy man!

Tomorrow is technically the last day of the holidays and to be honest I don't feel like I've had a break at all.

My trip to Nowra went well, albeit rushed. I really enjoyed catching up with my friend that I was staying with. She is one of the only people in Nowra I can still be myself around.

On Saturday I went to the gym and then drove to Sydney to catch up with another friend. We went had some lunch and then went to look at the new house they are building. Later that afternoon we started talking about computers and I mentioned that I was going to put some extra RAM in my laptop when I came home. Her husband mentioned that he had a spare Gig from his old laptop and put it straight into mine. I offered to pay for the RAM and he said no. I feel very blessed to have friends like that and now my laptop runs a lot faster! That evening we went to see Knocked Up and I have to admit that some parts were really funny, but some parts were really sad and I don't mean emotional sad. Then we went home to watch The Bill. Thankfully my friend's husband is as addicted to The Bill as I am!

On Sunday I drove back to the coast and went straight to my best female friend's house to catch up with her and her kids. Going to Nowra made me realise just how special this family is to me. While I was in Nowra I spent some time with a family I used to know really well and now struggle to keep in touch with. One night when leaving their house I realised just how much my best female friend and her family mean to me and how devastated I would be if we became distant like my friends and I in Nowra. Spending time with my best female friend and her family made me feel like I was at home and showed me how much I missed them.

Monday was my monthly measurement day at Curves because it had been a month since I joined. Most people get weighed and measured when they have their monthly assessment done, but because I don't want to know how much I weighed I only have the measurements done. I lost another 8.5cm and have decided that when I get smaller I am going to have good legs. My legs are one of the places I can really notice that I'm loosing weight. While I was away I went to another Curves but you know the saying 'life is greener on the other side'...well that wasn't true in this case because this Curves was a lot smaller and not nearly as friendly as my Curves at home. In a few weeks Curves is starting a 'Survivor' type competition which looks like fun!

After my workout I went to see my friend and her family again. When I got there I found that they all had a vomiting virus. I stayed to help for a while and then went to the shops. I was on a mission to buy an electric blanket with the money I saved from not having to buy the RAM for my computer. I came home, put fresh sheets and my new electric blanket on my bed, and had the best nights sleep ever! It was so nice getting into bed with no chill on the sheets.

Tuesday, after a wonderful sleep in, was the same, back to my friends house, where I stayed all afternoon and had dinner. I didn't stay long after dinner because I started to feel unwell myself, in fact I came home and vomited myself. I must of caught the vomiting bug that they had, because I spent all night vomiting and slept on and off till 6:30pm Wednesday night.

I woke Wednesday night to find that I had a virus on my laptop that had come through Windows Live Messenger. I ran my anti virus program and it didn't pick up the virus, but I knew that I had one because it was sending messages to people on my contact list. I downloaded another anti virus program, which picked up the virus, but could not remove it. In the end I uninstalled Windows Live Messenger, ran BOTH anti virus packages, re-downloaded and re-installed Windows Live Messenger and ran BOTH anti virus packages again. I think I'm finally virus free *phew* But it amazes me that there are people out there with nothing else to do than design viruses to cause havoc for people.

That takes us through til today (Thursday). Again I slept in, went to the gym and then had the most relaxing massage. In fact the massage was so good I nearly fell asleep. When I was at the massage clinic I saw a poster for a course which has sparked my interest. The course is called 'Embracing Empowerment - Change your thoughts and you can change your world.' The blurb says 'life is a transition, we are presented with many lessons along the road of life. Some of us learn these lessons quickly and more forward, while others get stuck in old patters, procrastinate and continue to repeat the same events. We are all presented with opportunities, as doors open for us we make individual choices to step through or to say put. Your life is the sum total of your choices.' This sounds perfect for me and the journey I am going on now and the changes I am making in my life. Another positive thing happened at the massage clinic today. Roughly two months ago I started a mini massage course with the clinic and was unable to finish it because I missed the last session due to a training course with my union. I saw a flyer today for a new mini massage course that they are running next month and they said I could go to the last session of that course to complete my own course. Yay! What a positive day!

I'm so tired tonight. It's been a very busy first part of the holidays. I'll try to give you a quick and not boring recount of events.

On Friday after work I had a massage, which I desperately needed, and then drove to Sydney to stay at a friends place. We went out to dinner and literally talked for hours.

On Saturday I drove into the city and checked into my hotel, which would be my home for the next three nights. I spent the late afternoon and early evening catching up with a friend from school who has just been cleared of cancer. We walked all over Sydney for what seemed like hours and many, many kilometres. We walked through Paddy's Markets, Darling Harbour and the Queen Victoria Building. We finally stopped at an Irish pub to have dinner, but after waiting for our meal for two hours we left. I really enjoyed catching up with my friend, but the night ended on a disappointing note for me. He had to get back to the parking station where he parked his car as it was closing soon, but instead of asking me to walk with him and then offering to drop me back at the hotel, he left me to walk through the middle of Sydney, at night, by myself. Now I know I'm not some pretty, young thing, who is likely to be attacked, but I am a girl nonetheless, and I was in a part of town I didn't know. As it was I got lost on the way back to the hotel and I cried. The next morning I woke with really, really, really tight calf muscles from all the walking we did.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday was spent spent at my Union's Annual Conference. It was a very long and intense three days, but in saying that I learnt and enjoyed it so much. Everything I do with my Union confirms my desire to work with them. We talked about employee rights, salaries and superannuation, dignity and respect in the workplace, Aboriginal rights, the new Industrial Relations laws and other legal issues. We even had a talk from the Shadow Minister. It seems that neither political party is willing to give our workplace the same funding as private industry, which is a rather sad notion.

Monday night was the Conference dinner and whilst I hadn't planned for it to be a big night, it turned out to be that and then some. I don't remember much after my 12th glass of wine...I know I danced a lot and some how fell over and hurt my hip. In fact I have spent the last three days on painkillers just to walk. I got back to my hotel room about 1am and managed to make two phone calls, which to this day I don't remember making. The first was to my Union Organiser to tell her that I had got back to my room and to ask if I made a dick of myself. I only know of this call because she told me about it the next day and replayed the message to me. After that I checked the log on my phone to see if I rang anyone else and it seems I did. I rang my best male friend Rendrag and although I've sent him sms' to ask him if I actually spoke to him and what I said, he hasn't replied to me, which makes me wonder how bad what I said was. Rendrag please put me out of my misery! Did I talk to you? Did I make a dick of myself? Did I say something to upset you? You know I'd never intentionally do that! I asked a number of people the next day if I acted badly and they said I didn't, so that has to be a good thing. Plus this was the first time I had been drunk since my birthday, so I was probably due for a good night.

On Wednesday I drove to Nowra and have spent the last two days catching up with friends and going to the gym. It has been great fun seeing everyone, but I am majorly tired and looking forward to going home on Sunday. In fact one of my friends said I seem to be too rushed to be having a relaxing holiday! I have one more stop to go before I get home. On Saturday I am going back to Sydney to see another friend and then I'll drive home Sunday.


As I've mentioned I'm very tired, so now I'm off to bed. I'll update when I get home.